Training camp is officially over, and honestly, it was a whirlwind of emotions.

There was SO much information packed into one week, so instead of trying to explain everything we did, I’m just going to touch on a few things we did..

Team-building exercises

Cultural lessons and lectures

Worship nights

and a LOT more...

There has been so much to digest, and if I’m being honest, there hasn’t really been much time to process any of it in between everything going on.

But throughout the week, there were a few specific things I felt like the Lord was working on in me. I’ll only touch on two of them so this blog won’. t be too long.

Dance:

Some of you know that I danced for 16 years. Fewer of you know that dance was a pretty painful experience for me, both physically and emotionally.

After I quit in 2020, I told myself I would never dance again. And honestly, I held a lot of bitterness toward dance and everything that came with it.

Over the last year or so, though, I’ve randomly started getting little nudges to dance again. So I would dance in my room or wherever I was alone as a form of worship but intentionally avoided dancing around people.

On the second day of camp, I felt that same nudge while everyone was worshiping together. I ignored it. I kept singing along, but I couldn’t shake the feeling.

A few seconds later, the woman leading worship stopped and said, “I feel like someone has a dance.” She encouraged whoever it was to feel free to come toward the front and worship the Lord through dance.

But I stayed silent. I ignored it. And for some reason, that bothered me for the next few days.

Since then, I’ve been trying to incorporate dance into my own worship when I’m alone. (which, if you know anything about the World Race, you know is NOT very often lol)

After arriving in Kenya, the Lord has revealed a few ways He wants to use dance, but I’ll leave that story for another blog. I’m hesitant to say I’m “excited” about it because, honestly, there’s still a lot of fear wrapped up in it. But I’m curious to see where He takes it.

Maybe part of healing is learning to take something that once caused so much pain and give it back to the Lord.

Healing:

Some of you also know that I broke my back while dancing when I was around 16 years old.

It’s been a long journey of healing to get to where I am now. The pain comes and goes and some days are harder than others. Most of the time it’s pretty manageable. Every once in a while, the pain gets bad enough that it starts affecting my day-to-day life.

Well…training camp happened to be one of those times.

The first night sleeping in a tent was actually okay, but the next morning was rough. I took some ibuprofen and was able to keep going.

A few days later, though, it was getting significantly worse. It became difficult to walk, sit for more than about 20 minutes, and even participate in some of the activities.

I’ve heard people talk about how the Lord heals illnesses and injuries, and I know He can. I’ve just never personally witnessed that kind of healing in my own life. But as the pain got worse, I started thinking, “maybe I should ask Him to heal me”.

A friend prayed over me, but I wasn’t healed.

I assumed it was because I hadn’t put much thought into it so after praying, I thought about asking for more prayer. During dinner one night, my group prayed over my back without me having to ask.

I was expectant. I genuinely believed that when I stood up, the pain would be gone. But when I stood up, I still felt it. And I was pretty discouraged.

Almost immediately, my thoughts started spiraling.

“Maybe I didn’t believe enough.”

“Maybe I haven’t forgiven someone.”

“Did I not want it badly enough?”

“Was there something I was doing wrong?”

My team has been absolutely incredible through all of this. So many people continued to fast and pray for my back in the days afterward.

At first, I was grateful for every prayer. But as people kept praying and the pain kept lingering, I found myself becoming increasingly discouraged..and, if I’m being completely honest, even frustrated with the prayers.

People offered different pieces of advice. “You need to ask for it.” “You need to believe He can heal you.” “You need to have faith.”, etc.

I know those things were coming from a place of love. People genuinely wanted to see me healed. But instead of making things clearer, it started adding to my confusion and made me feel like I was doing something wrong. Like the Lord won’t heal me until I fix ___ or do ___.

It felt like every time we prayed, I would get my hope back. And then the prayer would end, I’d stand up, and I’d still be in pain. Hope, followed by disappointment. Over and over again. Eventually, I found myself in a pretty confusing and bitter place.

And everything came to a head on baptism night.

I was physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted. I was in pain. My thoughts were spiraling, and I felt like I hadn’t been able to connect with the Lord at all. Eventually, I started questioning my own relationship with Him.

I knew it was baptism night, and I had already decided that I wanted to be baptized again. (I was baptized as a child, but I didn’t really understand what baptism meant at the time.) But after everything I had been wrestling with, I didn’t even want to be around anyone getting baptized.

My lovely sister sat with me while I cried (multiple times that day lol) and was such a huge encourager. Eventually, I made a very unenthusiastic decision to get baptized.

And honestly, I’ve felt a lot better since then.

It wasn’t magical. My back still isn’t healed. In fact, it’s actually worse after travel days. But I’m at peace. For me, getting baptized was a conscious decision to say that even though I’m confused, bitter, frustrated, and even doubting, I am still choosing Jesus.

I’m still choosing to publicly declare that He is my Lord. Whether I feel it that day or not. I’m choosing to believe that there is a reason He hasn’t healed my back yet.

I was encouraged when I thought about Paul’s “thorn in the flesh.” Paul asked the Lord to take it away, and the Lord didn’t.

Instead, Paul came to understand God’s power more clearly through his weakness.

I don’t know why the Lord hasn’t healed my back. I don’t know if He will and I’m still wrestling with that. But I’m learning that my faith can’t be dependent on whether or not I get the answer I want.

So for now, I’m choosing to trust Him in the middle of the unanswered question. And honestly, I think that’s something I’m going to be learning a lot about during this next year.

I’m still fundraising! I have a little over $7,000 to raise before I’m fully funded. If you would like to support me, here is some info on how to give!

Fundraising page:

https://adventuresinmissions.servicereef.com/events/adventures-in-missions-3/september-2026-world-race-11-months-26w0901/participants/madeline-boynton

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